The Non-Alcoholic Guide to Drinking

Day 3: Write about your experience with drugs or alcohol (your own or not!)

I was introduced to alcohol as early as 7th grade from set of friends whose idea of a good time is getting drunk. For the record, I have no history of getting so drunk I passed out. Except for the time when my brother and our angel (helper at home) told me I vomited a whole hot dog on Christmas of 2014. Don’t hate – I was nursing a broken heart that time. I actually don’t have any memory of that and I don’t want to remember.

I am not drinking anymore – I drink but not a lot like how much I was drinking way back 7th grade and I really don’t know how it feels to be drunk.

I want to share this to non-drinkers like the new boring me: The Non-Alcoholic Guide to Drinking. Here it goes!

  • Water is your best friend. You can always rely on water so you can get along drinking sesh without binge drinking. Remember, your alcohol tolerance is as low as the grass below. Don’t push it, hun. At this point of time – or all time, stick with water!
  • Pretend with Juice. If your friends keep on insisting you drink (if they’re your true friends I bet they will REALLY insist – based on my collection of best friends – depends on who your friends are), then upgrade your colorless cocktail to something which looks like some paintbrush was dipped unto. This will give low satisfactory to your besties, but at least you’re not drinking water anymore.
  • Bring along 5-10 stories. Not just ordinary day-to-day stories but those which are lengthy and will take you at least 45 minutes to finish. Make sure they’re as entertaining as telenovelas – pour down some of your acting skills and you’re good to be excused. Hope they won’t notice that’s already your 5th pass. 
  • The perfect time to have balisawsaw. This is the perfect time to go to the bathroom as many as you can to excuse yourself from drinking. Remember, the goal is not get drunk because you will be dancing off your shoes with just one shot and you can’t do that because you need to go home by the time mom texts you.

  • One sip fits all. Reserve this one for the ultimate no-escape persistence of friends, peer pressure, or you simply just wanna taste the alcohol (you’ll regret it as soon as you taste it).

This is for all the guys & gals out there who are non-drinkers but just wanna have a TGIF kind of night with the best besties around the world. Don’t be a drunkard. Stay in school.

Cheers.

Elli

KZ

About the Author

KZ